What women want romantically

Let me be absolutely clear: for the first 45 years of my life, I didn’t understand what women want, romantically. Yes, I did have a few girlfriends before my marriage. But without the right map to reading women, it was of course impossible to be really successful at dating, and even less at managing a relationship – let alone a marriage. In that, I was no different than, probably, 80 to 90% of all men out there.

This is such a shame. If men were better at understanding and dealing with women, everybody’s life would be better off. Gentlemen, you would know what to do when this gorgeous new lady appears in your horizon. Ladies, maybe this handsome man you wished made a move on you, would understand your subtle signals and act, instead of *not getting it*. Overall, everybody would be happier in more satisfying relationships.

In the last few years, I have vastly improved my understanding of woman’s mind. How do I know that I am up to something? Because, for a start, I saw my success rate at dating and love life increase dramatically, by simply applying my new found knowledge. If your conceptual view of the world leads to significant success in the real world, then either your view of the world is true, or it’s as good as true.

So let me share with you the insight I have gained. We will start by describing the core instincts driving her sexual strategy.

her core instincts

It is impossible to make sense of women, without understanding the core instincts that a million years of mankind existence has ingrained deeply into her. It is very simple, standing in one nice sentence:

Women are driven by their instincts to create and nurture life, with the added responsibility to improve the species.

It is important to understand that these are core instincts, deeply rooted inside her. Fifty years of sexual revolution, societal freedom and women empowerment are not nearly enough to change any of this. The modern, independent western woman is subject to the same hardwired instincts, just as much as any other women present or past.

It is also important to understand that, because these are deeply rooted instincts inside the human species, they have an universal character. Thus, women will respond to the same sexual stimuli, no matter the culture, the country or the education. Education and society do play a role, for sure – mainly by repressing sexuality, by means of morality (good girl, bad girl) – and complicates a little bit the picture. This will be described in a future post. But at the core, the instinctive response is the same.

a closer look

So in short, what is described here will work just the same, no matter the woman. Let’s review the main points of the sentence:

To create life: this obviously means sexual intercourse. Make no mistake, women are thus intrinsically sexual beings – don’t let yourself be fooled otherwise. It goes along with the biological imperative to perpetuate the species.

To nurture life: Creating life is not enough, she also needs to nurture it, and with it comes a deep need for safety. To this purpose, she will have to attach herself a male capable of providing physical security as well as resources necessary to feed and raise the children.

To improve the species: Finding a male to have offspring with is not good enough. It has to be the best male that she possibly can attract. This now raises the question of what is the “best possible male”.

Men’s instincts could be similarly described. In fact, I will do just that in a future post. But today it is about what woman wants! And what she wants is the best possible male – from an evolution perspective.

The best possible male

Let us look now at what is this “best possible male” for the purpose of creating life and improving the species. In doing so, we need to remember that these instincts were developed in the course of a million year history – so mostly from the early dangerous times in the wilderness, and not in the last fifty years. This has a lot of implications when it comes to profiling the ideal male. Here are a few of his characteristics.

Attributes

He is first and foremost a breeder. A million year ago mankind had a population of a few hundred thousands – at high risk of extinction! There was an imperative – from a species perspective – to multiply. The ideal male is therefore a very sexually capable man. This also makes sense from another angle: Eternity through DNA. The sons of such a man will be more likely to be breeders too. It means that the descent from such a man has a higher chance to survive and flourish through eternity.
He has attributes of strength and impudence. He fights – and possibly kill – for what he wants. He is not a sentimentalist, as he cannot allow any weakness of heart getting in the way of the imperatives of survival. So he’s ready to do what has to be done, no matter what. He doesn’t ask for forgiveness for who he is, and takes what he wants without second thoughts. In today’s language he would be called an impudent asshole.
He has social status. His social position commands respect to other men, and in turn allow him to obtain better terms for himself and his family within the pyramid of men.

Her strategy

So a man like this has what it takes to survive and improve the species. Her aim is to get impregnated by such a man, and then, if possible, try to attach him to herself and make him attend to her needs and safety. Problem being, such a man is in high demand from other women! You could almost make it a fourth characteristic “He is wanted by all other women”, although it is really a consequence of the other three. Because of this, he is in fact very hard to lock in.

If she can not manage to attach such a man to herself for the long term, she will turn to secondary choices. Men which are not necessarily the best option in term of species improvement, but at least make capable providers, and will make up for her safety needs.

We could give a portrait of this “second choice” man. One thing sure, he is not a breeder. His best sexual strategy is therefore to focus on the offspring and maximize their chances of survival. He is therefore more of a “safety specialist”.

What woman wants: the Sexy vs. Useful man dilemma

So let’s call the ideal man – from a species perspective – the “sexy guy”, and the second choice man / safety specialist, the “useful guy”. Out there in the Manosphere, other terms have been coined, e.g. Lover vs Provider, or Alpha vs Beta. In the context of this post, I prefer the terms “sexy guy” and “useful guy”, which gives a better insight about how women feel about these two categories of men.

So here is women’s eternal dichotomy: the sexy guy vs. the useful guy. Her preferred mating strategies, by order of decreasing preference:

get pregnant from a sexy guy, and later get him to provide for her;
get pregnant from a sexy guy, then get a useful guy to provide for her;
get pregnant from a useful guy, then get him to provide for her.

Here you go. What woman wants ideally is to be swiped on her feet by such a sexy man, then to “lock him” into a long term relationship, get children from him, and get him to provide for the family.

Straight from the horse’s mouth

Is this real? I’ve had, many times over, women explaining me this exact dichotomy in their own womanese language. The most striking example of that, was with a Chinese young woman I met in march 2017.

From first date to second visit

She was on a short visit to my city. I took her on a quick date, I liked her, she was pretty and very sweet, I could tell she liked me as well, and two hours later she was in underwear in my living room. We spent the rest of the week together until she had to catch her flight back to China, with the promise to see each other again.

After her return, I tried to setup a second meeting, which would happen in Hong Kong, as previously agreed. But now I found that she was pressuring me to the idea of marriage, as a condition to our second meeting. Which is of course a no. So, the planned meeting didn’t happen, and we stopped chatting.

Two months later I received a surprise message from her. She was in my city again, asking to meet me. We resumed seeing each other. The next day she was in my home, and she showed me the picture of a baby, of mixed European / Asian features. We then got into a very surrealist conversation, from which the below major points emerged.

the Conversation

She didn’t want my money. She was an independent working girl, and she even refused my proposition to share her plane expenses with her;
She didn’t want a marriage, because married people have too many problems (LOL!);
She had a Chinese girlfriend who had a baby with a white foreigner, and the baby was so cute (the picture in question);
Therefore she wanted a baby with a European foreigner… namely me;
But I already had two children, and didn’t see myself endorsing extra responsibilities at my age;
She knew that and was not expecting me to provide child support. “I don’t want you to stress!”, she said. If she had a baby from me she would just cut contact with me, and I wouldn’t even be aware…

“But, how are you going to support a child alone with your salary as an accountant?” I asked her. “If I have a baby, I will find a Chinese husband to support me!”.

You’ve really got to love women 🙂 !!!

You cannot find a more blatant illustration of my point. I initially seduced her smooth and fast, putting myself in the category of “sexy guys”. She then tried to force marriage upon me, making me providing to her safety needs, which is exactly option 1 above. She couldn’t get that, so she was now trying the next best option: getting pregnant from a “sexy guy”, then find a “useful guy” to attend to her safety.

The implications

This is already a lot of information at once! Let us take a break and digest all the implications.

The characteristics of the “sexy man” are:
- He’s a sexual man
- He takes what he wants without apologies, without losing time
- He is impudent and self confident
- He has status, within the context. In a gym room, he’ll be preferably the strongest. In a group of people, he’ll be the most charismatic. In life, he has achievements. At the work place, he will be in a position of command. Etc…
- Note how he radically differs from the typical “nice guy”
If you are able to convey yourself as this “sexy man” type, you will strongly appeal to her deep instincts. She can potentially follow you to the bed within one hour of ever meeting you. Yes! And you thought it was about slow conquering her date after date?
If you can’t be this sexy man, you are now competing in the lower category of the “useful guys”. It is still possible to get her but it will be much harder. It will take longer time, and the success rate is much, much lower. If you ever ended up in limbo after pursuing a girl for months, then you know what I mean

The efficient seduction

The secret to efficient seduction is to portray yourself as – and hopefully actually become! – this sexy man. If you can achieve that, you will be much more successful in your dating life, because you are appealing to every women’s fantasy: to meet the Prince that will swipe her on her feet against all her defenses.

Why Prince? Because he’s a man with status.
Why “swiped on her feet”? Because that’s what sexual, impudent men do.
Why against her defenses? Because, for her own self respect, she can’t make it easy for him.

And this, gentlemen, is what woman wants deep inside. Don’t let yourself confused by all the negative connotation associated with the word “seduction” nowadays. The reality is that you will make a happy, grateful woman. She just *loves* being seduced by a smooth, confident man, a long as he does it in a responsible manner.

The disclaimer! What I am saying, and what I am NOT saying

And on this note, it is finally time for me to make a firm and clear disclaimer. I do advocate sexy and smooth seduction, yes. It will put a big smile on her face, as well as on yours. But I do NOT advocate using lies nor creating false expectations. This is absolutely NOT necessary to conquer your girl. It is what usually creates the tears and heartaches, and it doesn’t have to be. If you think you have to do this to get your ways, stop it immediately, it is just wrong.

I also do not necessarily advocate one night stands – although it will happen sometimes along the way. You can, and should, use sexy, smooth seduction to get girlfriends and meaningful relationships, too. And in fact, if you are in a relationship right now, consider re-seducing her using these methods, regularly.

Yours,