How do you make a meaningful change in the course of your life?
Once in a while in life, you may realize that in order to get where you want to go, you need to veer your life’s course in a different direction. Maybe you initially took a wrong direction because of a misinformed decision. Or changes happened in your life that made your new position less than ideal. Or you just got complacent after some initial success, got comfortable, stopped making progress, and now you are lagging behind.
You are the pilot of your own ship, and as such, you need to constantly pay attention to where it is going. So now, what are you going to do to rectify its course?
I have faced this precise situation several times in my life, and the method I followed each time was a skill based approach. The solution I came up with was following this template:
- Recognize that you are currently stuck and need a move.
- Identify the missing skill than will enable your transition, and acquire this skill.
- Armed with this new skill, go to the fight, reposition yourself, and get established.
- Once established, reap the benefits, then ponder your next move.
This skill based approach requires discipline, persistence, application, patience, and time. But it can be done.
Let me illustrate my point by describing the three times I did a meaningful change in my own life.
1985 and 1999: Learning software programming
Software programming was something I grew curious about when I was in my teens. It was the early 1980s, the beginnings of personal computing. Apple 2 was already out there, as well as other personal computers such as ZX Spectrum. And some time in spring 1985, I got my first personal computer, the Amstrad CPC 6128, with 128 KB of RAM, of which 42K accessible to BASIC programming. WOW!
And in hindsight, it is absolutely incredible what the engineers managed to do with so little memory available. They really had to learn to optimize their code, both in terms of memory space and efficiency.
1985: Learning BASIC and Assembly languages
My Amstrad was great. Plenty of interesting video games. But I also used it to learn the BASIC programming language. That was easy enough, in fact! It must have taken me a few months to master it.
But soon I realized that this programming language was too limited to be of any practical use, such as writing some video game code. For that, you had to learn the assembly language a.k.a machine code. And that, was another, much bigger piece of work.
I soon purchased some very good books on this language, and started to study them!
Learning assembly language, required to understand the computer down to its basic components, starting from the CPU, and the limited, tiny operations it is able to do (albeit at a super fast speed). It required to learn how to break down your programming instructions in terms of millions of tiny additions and memory operations. You had to think like a machine!
It must have taken me at least 6 months of work during my free time. By 1986 I was able to design a code that would draw and move a tiny character on the screen, via the joystick. I had the basics of a simple video game.
During the following decade, knowing the principles of programming proved out a very useful skill in my work. But I was not yet done…
1999: Learning C++ and OOP
In 1999, I was trying to move out of the academic world. I had done research during my Ph. D. and post-doc, and had published articles. I had done some teaching at the university. But I wanted to move into the corporate world. And I was betting on my good old programming skills as the transferable experience.
The problem was, the job market didn’t care about BASIC or even assembly language. In 1999, in terms of hard core programming skills, what everybody wanted was C++ or Java. Everyone was after Object Oriented Programming.
Well, I already knew the recipe. I purchased a few good books, installed C++ on my PC, and got myself to study. It took me about 9 months of regular evening work to get there. Some time in spring 2000, I got a job interview with an engineering firm, and I was tested on my C++ and OOP knowledge. And guess what, I passed the interview and was hired.
The chief engineer who hired me told me that I compared very well relative to younger guys fresh out of university. Not bad for a guy who was completely self taught!
My move into the engineering world was a successful one. I was hired by a multinational telecom engineering company with over 100000 employees worldwide. It was a very good professional experience, and it was good to have on my CV as well. I worked in this company until 2006.
2006: Switching careers into Finance
But in 2004, (while still in this firm), I was seeking a professional evolution from the purely engineering side, into the sales / marketing side. Being educated as a scientist, my education was a purely scientific / technical one. So in order to help with my transition, I decided to complement my education with an MBA degree. I got enrolled in one of the top Business Schools of Europe in a part time MBA program, and studied alongside my normal office work.
And one of the thing that came out of the MBA was, I discovered I had close affinities with Finance. The basic MBA education in Finance and Economics, my overall baggage in mathematics and even software engineering, were all transferable skills. I found Investment Finance an attractive and intellectually stimulating field. And the pay was much better than in Telecom engineering.
Getting into Finance and establishing myself in the field
When I graduated from my MBA in 2006, I got an opportunity to enter in a London Hedge Fund. They liked my entrepreneurial spirit and overall background, and decided to offer me a chance. I left my telecom company, moved to London and started my new job there.
But then, something else happened. At the age of 37, I was finding myself as a complete newcomer in Finance. All my colleagues of the same age were already 10 or 15 years experience in the field!
I just couldn’t be the lagging guy left behind. So I continued to work my ass off in order to raise myself to their level. In the next two years, I continued spending about 4 hours per week in more reading and studying.
Eventually it paid off. In 2008 I was hired into my second job in Finance, confirming myself as a professional of the field.
In hindsight, I should have done the MBA, and move into Finance, back in 1999. But I just didn’t suspect I would have an affinity for this discipline then!
2015: Getting better with women
I stayed with the same woman in my life, from 1997, until 2012 – when we eventually divorced. When I got again on my own in 2012, it had been more than 15 years that I didn’t have a date with another girl. Needless to say, I didn’t know even where to begin. And between 2012 and 2014, I had 5 dates with 5 women. I sucked, and fucked up all the 5 dates.
It turned out that, whatever I had been doing in the 1990s to get myself a girlfriend, was simply no longer consistent with the man I had become. It just didn’t work. I had to reinvent my way of getting a girl. I had to do something!
In 2009, I had stumbled upon a book about body language, with a special emphasis on the dating context. What are the physical signals a woman sends you to sub-communicate that she is open to your advances? Interesting!
From my divorce to my first girlfriend
So alone again in 2012, I remembered that book, and started to look on the internet for more information on the topic of body language, and more generally dating. That’s how I came across many online authors, whose writings were eye-opening and influential. I devoured their articles, and absorbed their content until 2014, when I finally decided to stop reading and start taking action.
My initial goal was simply to get myself out of celibacy and find some pretty girlfriend I could be with. And 4 months later, I had found a pretty one.
When you dedicate and apply yourself towards something you really want, you eventually get it.
We stayed together three months, until late 2014 when she announced by text she was breaking. She refused to meet and talk to me face to face. So I never really knew what was her reason for breaking. Oh well.
Learning dating as a skill
So I was back on the dating market in January 2015. And this time I was decided to learn dating as a skill: for the sake of knowing how to get a date, how to handle a date, and how to succeed. Learn dating, so that I would never again fuck up a promising date.
I went on plenty of dates, and learned plenty of things. I got a few initial successes. But still, I was fucking up more often than not… Until about August 2015, when I had a certain date that made me realize the important thing I had been missing.
And from there, I started scoring success after success, consistently. In the following 18 months, I did put 35 women in my bed, including some seriously beautiful ones. It was just incredible! If you had told me in 2014 that I would be able to do that one day, I wouldn’t have believed it.
But in order to get there, I was dedicated at it 100% of my free time. I was working at it nearly all my evenings:
- Trying to get new dates.
- Actually going on new dates.
- Plus meeting with my established conquests.
It was a fun ride!
Of course, this was not sustainable over the long term, and I eventually slowed down and used my time to pursue other interests.
But I had achieved my initial objectives beyond expectations. I had met some amazing women that would have been beyond my reach otherwise, and when I met them, I knew what to do.
How to make a meaningful change in your life
What do all these experiences have in common?
Recognizing I was stuck
In 1999, I wanted to move from the academic to the corporate world. In 2004, I was seeking a career evolution towards marketing jobs. And in 2015, I wanted to learn how to date successfully. In each three cases, I recognized I needed to do something in order to move on.
Sometimes life leads you into a place you didn’t wanted to be. Or your circumstances change, and what you previously thought as a desirable place, no longer appears to be. Or you were previously misinformed, and you become aware of new, better possibilities in a different direction. Etc…
In order to make a meaningful change in your life, the first step is to recognize the dead end you’re currently in, and the need to move on.
Identifying and acquiring an enabling skill
I initially got into software programming out of self interest, as a hobby. But in 1999, I had to extend my knowledge onto more marketable programming languages, as dictated by the needs of the job market.
In 2004, I initiated the part time MBA classes as a way to evolve my engineering career into sales and marketing. But early on I discovered that I had affinities for Finance and re-oriented my MBA major towards this discipline. Later on, while employed in a Finance job, I furthered my knowledge using self studies in order to establish myself in the field.
And in 2015, I was determined to become good at dating so that I would know what to do next time I meet a girl I really like.
Once you recognize and accept that you need to move on to a different place, you need to identify what skill would help you to do this move, then acquire it. And by acquiring a skill, I don’t mean superficially. If you are seeking a meaningful change in your life, you need real skills.
Going to the fight
In 1999 and 2006, I had put a significant effort into learning new skills.
Yet, I still had to get job interviews, convince the hiring person I was the right guy, then settle into the job and establish myself. My new skills were just what got my foot in the door. But that was only the beginning.
Acquiring a new skill is arguably hard work. But it is merely the enabler. You will still have to go to the fight, armed with your new skill, and get yourself in the place you seek to be in. Then later, you still need to put on the work to become established. That’s more hard work.
You cannot escape hard work if you are seeking a significant, meaningful change in your life.
Reaping the benefits
That’s the easiest part. There is no better satisfaction than enjoying the benefits of something you worked hard to get. You worked hard for it, you made it, you deserved it. Sit back and enjoy.
The danger here, however, it to fall asleep on your own laurels. While it is good to enjoy the benefits of your changes for some time, you still need to keep an eye on where your ship is going. It will be time to ponder another move sooner than you think 🙂
Being self-taught vs attending classes
In order to make a meaningful change in your life, you need real skills.
If you have the required patience and persistence, there is no better way of learning something than by yourself. Because your effort to learn it is coming from your own motivation, and your interest for the subject.
The other thing I love about being self taught is, it is an active approach to learning. You have to research the good sources to learn from. You need to read attentively, ask yourself questions, go and find the answers by yourself. And you need to understand and master the topic… As opposed to sit in a class and being spoon-fed a topic!
On the other hand, the main advantage of taking classes is, it usually comes with a diploma or certification. That will make it much easier to justify your skills to other people.
In my case, I didn’t need to certify my newly acquired programming skill with a diploma, because the skill was directly tested by the prospective employer, as part of the job interview. But my MBA degree was the academic stamp that would certify an employer I had the required background for the career move.
Conclusion: the time it takes to make a meaningful change in your life
This is the sort of time frame involved in each of the three experiences above:
- My learning of software programming was done in several waves (1985/86 and 1999). All in all, it probably amounted to two years of work for about ten hours a week or so. Once I got into my engineering firm, it took another two years to confirm myself in the role.
- Changing my career from engineering to finance was a process that started in 2004, when I prepared myself for the admission to Business School, until mid 2008, when I was confirmed as a Finance professional. The MBA classes lasted two years, added 20 hours a week of work, on top of my existing professional career. Later, I had to follow up with more self studies, 4 hours a week for two years
- My mission to get better with women started mid 2014, until late 2016. In 2015/2016, I was at it at least 20 hours a week, every week.
Typically, expect to dedicate 10 to 20 hours a week, each week for at least two to four years. If you want to make a big change to your life that will set you in a better course, this is the sort of time you need to devote.
This skill-based approach is arguably not the only way to make a meaningful change in life. But it works, both in the professional and personal life contexts. It can be done, and it is probably worth it. It was certainly worth it in my case.
Think about it, Dear Reader!
Yours,
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