Women seek high status men. In a given social context, the men women always have on their radar are (1) above them in the social hierarchy, and (2) above other men, and if possible at the top. On the opposite, women wouldn’t look a man who is (1) below them in the social context, or (2) at the bottom of the hierarchy compared to other men.
This rule proves to be generally true, in the context of courtship, but also in the context of relationships. This makes social status another one of these qualities hugely attractive to women, along with boldness and leadership.
It also proves to be true for social contexts to which he belongs but she doesn’t (such as his own professional environment), as long as she has a degree of awareness of this context, and his status within it.
But let me first illustrate the point with a few examples of social contexts and their super stars.
Some examples of social contexts
Status can derive from power. Two huge examples arise from the context of country politics, and the workplace.
The President
The social context here is made up by people in political positions, with the President of State is at the top of the pyramid, and ordinary people at the bottom. The men who position themselves at the top echelons of this pyramid will always be the recipient of plenty of feminine attention. The way this will come to the attention of the public, usually, is via a sex scandal. Examples abound, but a few that come to mind are Bill Clinton or Dominique Strauss-Kahn. Ex French Presidents François Mitterrand and Jacques Chirac are also said to have been prolific womenizers. And Fidel Castro is rumored to have had 35000 partners in his life time…
No matter how you personally feel about these names, it remains that their position at the top echelons of power make these men inherently attractive to women. There is no shortage of young women willing to smoke the President’s cigar, and I personally don’t blame him for being tempted.
The Executive
Politics and power are also at play in the workplace, such as a Corporation. Here, the social context is made up of all employees of the Corporation, and at a more local scale, all the people in the office. The social pyramid is the corporate hierarchy, and at the top is the senior Executive in charge. These people, by the status they derive from power, are inherently attractive to women.
Note that they may not necessarily take advantage of it, for instance if they are wary of the social consequences associated. I personally stay away from “office romances”. But again, I wouldn’t blame them for being tempted.
But status can also arise from fame and popularity.
The Rock Star and the Movie Star
The entertainment industry creates a social context of its own, at the bottom of which are us mortal men, and at the top are the huge mega stars, such as the Rock Star, or the Movie Star. And these guys enjoy a fun run. Among examples I know about, the Van Halen band used to send some of their security guards in the concert crowd, to pick and bring back the cutest groupies they could find to spend the night with the band. According to this source, Lemmy, the late lead figure of Motorhead, is said to have slept with 1200 women in his lifetime. And Charlie Sheen, the actor, to have had over 5000 women.
Fame is status. Men who achieve worldwide fame in the entertainment industry are in the top spots of feminine desire.
The Club Owner
Still in the entertainment industry, the night club is a social context in its own right. It is composed of all the people in the night club. The top of the pyramid is made up by the people of prominence – typically the club owner and its close circle. Then come the people who work in the night club, such as the bartender or the waitresses or the bouncers, or the DJ. Note that some DJs acquire fame at the broader level, which makes them akin to Rock Stars. Then come the regular guests who somehow become familiar with the staff and get close to the Owner. The bottom of the hierarchy are all the other regular guests.
The people at any significant position within this hierarchy will be the object of a lot of feminine attention, and will have plenty of opportunities with the opposite sex.
And many more. Test it yourself!
At a smaller scale, look at the dynamics at play within social circles of friends. Which guy gets all the attention? The guy who positions himself in a prominent status within the group.
The family is another social context, with its hierarchy usually built around one strong figure ( a patriarch / matriarch).
The gym environment is another social context. The men who achieve status are typically the huge gym guy who is clearly one or two steps above the crowd (that everybody seeks to be friends with), and the gym instructors.
And while we’re at it, what exactly do you think seems to make women attracted to nice cars? Yes, status can also arise from displays of wealth.
As I was writing these words, I actually tested these ideas on my girlfriend, and guess what, she confirmed all of the above by and large.
I suggest you try it yourself. Go around your female friends / (past) girlfriends in your life and poll them about the above. Ask them how attractive they think are plane pilots? Presidents? Corporate executives? Rock stars or similar? Movie stars? Social media stars? If she is a gym addict, ask her if there is a man she has an eye on in the gym? In her office, is there an attractive man she currently has in mind?
OK, so we have established that women are attracted to Status. So now, what can we do to take advantage of this fact?
How you can take advantage of that: Social Preselection
What you want is to appear “socially preselected”. She just needs to perceive you as having some position of status, within one social group (in which she may, or may not belong).
Here are a few ideas:
- During a party, display yourself as “Mr Popular”. You are talking to everybody, and people seek your company. People seemingly like you. Popularity is status.
- Even better. Display yourself as being popular with girls. This is status! Girls know it, and will actually like you for it. I regularly display myself in company of a pretty woman on my Instagram.
- If you can afford it, try some conspicuous consumption. In your favorite lounge bar, ostensibly purchase an expensive bottle of champagne, and offer some to the people around you. All of a sudden, you have status – and women’s attention!
- Always have a few pictures ready, on your phone or on your social media, where you appear to be the center of gravity of a social group. You can show them when you are on a date. I always have a picture displaying me as the pillar of my family. Or a picture where I’m clearly at the center of my group of friends.
Note that, in order to reap the benefits of “social preselection”, what matters is her perception of your social status, rather than your actual status. However, you will fare definitely better on the long term if you actually achieve some level of status within at least one social hierarchy.
- Actually establish yourself in a prominent position within some social setting. You could achieve that by, for instance, proactively seeking responsibilities within your group.
- As an alternative to the above, you could seek to create a social group from scratch, in which you immediately become at the top of the hierarchy, as the creator / owner of this social group. Think of it like some regular event, organized around a hobby for instance, in which you are the organizer. The more girls in this social group, the higher your opportunities!
Alright, but now, how does that apply with dating?
The most important social context: you and her
There is one particular social context which is especially important: the social group formed by you and her. Within this group, it is especially important that you keep the upper status. Women always look up, and that especially applies in the context of dating.
This is a rule that I was not aware of until a few years back. How many dates did I fuck up but not applying this basic rule? And if you are like most men out there, chances are that you do not respect this rule as well.
What is the dynamics at play during your dates? Look carefully. There are many mistakes we do that actually lower our own status relative to her. In essence, we tend to put her on a pedestal.
This is anything we do, consciously or not, that gives her extra importance. When you are, by your actions, making her aware of her importance and value to you, you are effectively raising her status, and lowering yours. She is now looking down on you, because you set yourself beneath her.
And by doing so, you are at the same time lowering her attraction to you!
Here are a few dating mistakes men routinely do that is working against them.
Talking about himself
When you are trying to impress her by talking about your achievements, you are implicitly setting the frame that she is the prize that has to be won. You are making some efforts to impress her, so clearly she is the prize. This is raising her importance above yours. She becomes aware of it, and suddenly she’s on the pedestal.
Instead, you should make her do most of the talking. She will love being the one talking about herself. She will love being the center of attention. It will feel good, and she will love being in your company because of this feeling.
At the same time, it also feels that she is the one who needs to qualify herself to your standards!
Trying to make her laugh
Some light sexy humor here and there during a date is definitely a plus. But going out of your way in order to make her laugh is not. You don’t want her to be around you because you are funny. Rather, it should be because you are sexually exciting. Sexy beats funny every time.
Also, going out of your way to make her laugh is “try hard”. You are going overboard to impress her. It again sets the frame that she is the prize to be won. It is the pedestal again.
Instead, you should again focus on making her talk. Women love to talk about themselves and be the center of attention, and she will like you for that.
The formal restaurant date
You two are sitting face to face in a nice restaurant. This is such a dating cliche that it will instantly put her on the pedestal. The cliche says “dating” and puts her in the position of the chooser, while you are the one that have to conquer her.
Instead, try a more informal setting. Try a coffee shop, or its upscale version – a lounge bar. Instead of sitting face to face, have her sit by your side. In any case, avoid all conventional dating cliches such as the restaurant, or bringing flowers to the date.
Chasing her
This is the biggest mistake of all, and the most common. I think you see very well what I mean by chasing. When you are chasing her, you are telling her that you need her. There is an element of insecurity and despair in that. There is a sense that you are not in control. It’s not sexy, and it’s actually a turnoff. And at the same time, it sets the frame that she is the prize to be won.
Overall, chasing her is putting her on a pedestal big time. It lowers your status relative to her as well as any attraction she had for you. Don’t chase girls!
Next time you are writing a text to a pretty girl, put it on hold for a few hours, then read it again before clicking send. Ask yourself: is the message seemingly coming from a place of insecurity, lack of control, fear, neediness? It is probably chasing! You want to redraft your text in a positive, factual way, and eliminate the neediness out of it.
All the above mistakes result in lowering your status with respect to hers, and lowering her attraction for you at the same time.
In a relationship
I was once a young, newly married man who had been raised with progressive ideas such as equality between men and women. I would treat my wife as my equal. And I would bring to her all matters of importance for discussion and decision. Considering her as my partner to whom I could confide, I would also tell her about all the daily problems I was facing at work.
Very early in our marriage our relationship took a hit. While I was very puzzled at that time as to why this happened, it occurs to me, in hindsight, that I had failed to keep my image of a higher status in her eyes.
- With my way of treating her as an equal partner, I was positioning myself at the same level as her.
- Seeking her opinion in every decision looked like weak leadership – when in reality it was just my progressive ideas of equality.
- My way of talking about all the issues I was facing in my daily work, only resulted in damaging her image of my status within my work environment. Not only she would not help me to face the situations, but she would add more dramas to the lot.
As I kept unknowingly damaging my own image in her eyes, she was putting in more and more drama.
If you want to avoid drama in your couple, make sure you keep the higher status in her eyes:
- within the couple
- within the family (for long term couples)
- in the broader social contexts you are part of
This is important for you to keep her respect and her attraction over the long term.
The frame you want to achieve in your couple is that of the benevolent and fair King:
- You may, or not, seek her opinion on such and such decision, but it is abundantly clear from the context that you are the final decision
- As the person people come to with their problems, you are the pillar and the authority.
- You are fair
- If you have problems to talk about, you don’t discuss them with her. Instead, you take a buddy out for a drink and talk to him. Ever see a King discussing about his personal problems with his subjects?
- Maintain a dynamic where she is the one slightly chasing you. In any case, the no chasing / no neediness rule applies just as well, if not more, than during courtship.
- Learn to say “No”. Tell her “No” to her face from times to times, when you believe her request is crossing the line. She needs to know that your approval is not granted. Believe me she will respect you more for that!
Within my couple, I ultimately managed to regain some status in her eyes – essentially after the kids were born – and our relationship improved (a bit). But the damage had been done. We never fully recovered. It ended up in a divorce after 13 years.
This is the relationship rule I apply for myself now, and I strongly recommend you do the same:
Never let her perception of your status go down.
Conclusion: Status is good, but not enough
Social status is a good thing to have, as it will keep feminine interest coming your way. But it is neither necessary, nor sufficient, to get women in bed:
- If you have no social status at all, but are proactively meeting women, and aggressively and relentlessly pursuing sex with them, you will have lots of success
- If you have social status, but are not taking any action, waiting for things to happen with some sort of entitlement, you will not have anything. Well, unless you achieve the fame of Bruce Willis… In the end, the ultimate masculine quality is still masculine boldness.
However, knowing how status works for you (or against you) is essential during courtship, and useful to keep her attraction for you over the long term.
Use this knowledge well!
Yours,
