This is my second post in a series on the topic of sexual escalation. In the first post, I presented arguments in favor of attempting sexual escalation earlier, rather than later, in the dating phase. Irrespective of how soon or not, say you took a girl on a date, things went well, she warmed up to you, and you brought her home. Congratulations! Now, it is time to make sex happen. The aim of this post is to present how to sexually escalate on a girl once you have managed to isolate her at home.
But first, let’s take a quick look to what is at stake now.
The stakes
It is make or break now, and you cannot go back.
If you let her go home without attempting a sexual escalation on her, the chances are that she will simply stop viewing you in a romantic manner. You are a man after all, you are expected to have a high sex drive, and if you don’t at least try to have sex with her, she will rationalize (more or less consciously) one of these things:
- Maybe she is not sexually desirable – not an idea she wants to dwell in. She will normally end up rejecting you instead. Better be the one rejecting, than the feeling of being sexually rejected. “Who is this guy anyway?”.
- Or maybe this was “friendship” after all. How could she not have seen this before? You were “just a friend” all along!
- Or maybe you “are not a man” (figuratively) – not a sexual man, at least, but sexual men are what she thinks as “real men”. After all, a real man would have at least tried to make love to her.
In a nutshell: not sexual = “just friends”.
In any of the situations above, you are very likely going to be dismissed as a potential romantic partner. This is typically where the courtship process starts to fall apart. When, suddenly, she becomes evasive, or even stops responding your texts, etc… If that rings a bell?
So the stakes are high.
In my opinion, you cannot afford to take her to a place where sex should logically happen, and NOT attempt having sex with her. That usually spells the death of your romance with her.
The way I view it, she came to the date and gave you your chance. Now that you’re alone at home with her, you have to take this chance, it’s now or never.
Alright, so you have to attempt sexual escalation. Now, let’s dive into the matter of this post.
The sexual escalation
Sexual escalation starts very early during the date.
If you have been following my posts on seduction, you know I strongly recommend becoming physical with her, very early in the date. The longer you wait for breaking the touch barrier, the more awkward the first touch will become. My recommended “touch escalation” during the date looks like this:
- initial “incidental” contact when you meet her
- some “deliberate” touching during the date
- then some more “daring touch” later in the date
In the “daring touch” phase, I am usually well into her physical space, typically her in my arms, or at least in very close contact, perhaps her hand in mine, or my hand over her shoulders, or in the low of her back. At this stage, I am usually very comfortable touching her, running my hand in her hair, or touching her legs, or any bare skin she may have out. And she normally is equally comfortable with it – because I have been gradual.
From outside, it looks like I have been gradually taking possession of her body – almost up to the point of outright sexual contact. This is what I normally achieve within about one hour into the date, sometimes sooner, sometimes later. People watching us would not believe I only just met her.
The net effect of this “touch routine” is to make her comfortable with my physical presence, and ramp up her sexual excitement.
At home
In essence, sexual escalation is simply the continuation of this “touch escalation” initiated during the date – except that now you are increasingly daring until you become outright sexual.
If you haven’t touched her so far into the date, it was a big mistake, because overcoming the touch barrier now is going to feel awkward: don’t get there!
Because you have been transitioning between your date venue and your home, it is normal to take a slight step back when you resume things at home: you work on reestablishing comfort, both physical and emotional.
Start by making her comfortable on your couch, put some relaxing music in the background, and serve her something to drink. Sit next to her, chat her, and while chatting the whole time, start touching her again. Hopefully, this is just the natural continuation of all the touching you did during the date.
And from there, you gradually ramp up your touch from “deliberate touch”, to “daring touch”, and then “overtly sexual touch”. Once you get there, your aim is to remove whatever clothes are still in the way, and penetrate her.
Note: in order for her to be comfortable with your touch, you have to be comfortable yourself with what you are doing. Any hesitation or discomfort or anxiety on your side is likely to be perceived as awkwardness. This is where you have to be in full control of yourself!
Sexual escalation techniques at your disposal
You are ultimately aiming to extract all these feminine charms out of their clothes, expose them, kiss them, and in the process of doing that, arouse her.
In doing that, you should use and abuse of the following, all of which are arousing to her:
- Caress her bare skin
- Use your sexiest voice
- Whisper to her ear
- Masculine assurance
- Persistence
But here is your ultimate weapon for hard cases: take her hand and place it on your hard on. This is VERY arousing for a woman. It works best if you have already been building up her excitement to some point.
Calibration
You need to stay aware of her physical reaction to your touch at all times, take feedback from these, and adjust.
- Seems she lets you do what you are doing? Or even seem pleased by what you do? Great, then continue what you are doing, and gradually step up.
- You notice some slight discomfort? Or even some kind of withdrawal? You just stop, take a step back, distance yourself a little bit. Continue the conversation as if nothing happened. Your stopping and taking steps back will also help creating the feeling she can leave anytime she wants.
- It is also a good idea to occasionally initiate a withdrawal. The alternation of pressure on / pressure off produce an erotic effect of its own.
By withdrawal, I mean a step back, away from the escalation.
What you will often observe is, after you took a step back and made a pause, she will make a gesture indicating she is open to you resuming what you were doing.
You may, or may not, notice these signs, and in any case, you started a process that you cannot afford to stop now. So irrespective of the signs, give her five or ten minutes, chat her, fill the blanks, then resume your sexual escalation.
It may also help to attempt escalation from a new angle. For instance, if she was trying to remove your hand from her boob, you may try her neck or her legs.
Authorize her to touch you
Some girls actually would love to intimately touch you as well, but simply are not sure if it’s OK with you. Or just, are afraid you may misjudge them if they do.
This is very easy to solve. At some point during the escalation, when there is already some amount of comfort, just take her hand and put it on your body, and let her explore.
When she is ready
In many cases, she will get very horny quickly before you know it. This is when she gets out of control and start “taking things in her hands”. There will not be any resistance now, and it’s smooth sailing.
But in other cases you may want to watch for more subtle signs of arousal.
Look for signs of excitements such as her giggling, or sighing, or whispering. Or when she suddenly becomes extra talkative. Also look for a sudden reddening of her cheeks.
But one of the surest signs she is ready, is a distinct change in her breathing pattern – louder, and slower. This is normally a sign that she is ready.
When you are there, your sexual escalation has succeeded, you are good to go and make love to her!
Her resistance
You should expect some resistance to your sexual escalation. Girls are supposed to resist after all, and not make it easy for you, if only for their own self respect. You can view that as a test of your manly resolve.
Most of the time, it is going to be a token NO: I have had cases where the girl pretended she is leaving, and when I let her know she was free to leave, she didn’t quite left, and just sticked around.
Some of the resistance you will face will come from her own insecurities. You’d be surprised to discover that even beautiful girls have at least some degree of insecurity about their bodies. You may want to lower the ambient lights to help with this.
But once in a while, you will face a real NO, and this is a thin line that we must not cross.
Just be aware that the only way to decide if it’s a token NO or a real NO is to try and persist through it. So, do not just bow at her first signs of resistance. Instead, persist in your escalation through her resistance.
If you are in doubt, you can simply tell her that she is free to go any time. If, after you hinted at going back home, you notice that she is still sticking around, this is a reasonable indication that you should continue to persist.
When she REALLY means NO: if after a reasonable amount of good persistence, she still resists insistently, then you need to take this as a real No. If this is the case, then you just stop, be nice, and drive her back to her home.
Whereas most of the resistance you will face (if any) will be a token “in principle” resistance, there is one kind of resistance which is worth a special mention here. It can happen even if she likes you a lot and is horny a.f.
The Last Minute Resistance: your biggest obstacle
She freed up some time, made herself pretty, came to your date, and now she even followed you in your home. She knows very well what it means to be alone with a man in his home!
At this stage, it is clear she likes you enough. But you still have one last obstacle to overcome, and that is her social conditioning.
This is what I described in “the second key to understanding women“. In a nutshell, society is extremely judgmental about female sexuality, with harsh consequences for the girls who don’t fall in line: the “slut” label. The end result is they are acutely sensitive about other people’s judgment, about their reputation, about their image vs other people and even themselves. In a word, she has to abide by the image of the “Good Girl” that society expect her to be, both in other people’s and in her own eyes.
From one girl to another, there are degrees in how much she is prone to this. But in general, this is true:
She needs to remain the Good Girl, in her own eyes, and in your eyes.
The most serious resistance you will face, during sexual escalation, is coming from this need.
The “I’m a Good Girl” defense is her realizing that she is going to have sex earlier than socially acceptable. Good Girls don’t do that, therefore she has to step out. It can happen, even if she is already aroused.
She does this to protect both her self image, and the image you have of her.
The Good Girl defense is otherwise known as Last Minute Resistance, or LMR, because of its tendency to appear at the very last stage of the escalation, when you are just about to do the deed.
What you can do
There are several things you can do to manage that.
- Offer her plausible deniability for following you to your home. After all, you said it was for “listening to some cool jazz music” (or other neutral excuse). Even if she knew (in the back of her mind) what it was about, there was always an ambiguity, and she can always rationalize (after the fact) that she couldn’t possibly know what would happen
- Be careful what you are voicing out. If you outright mention sex, you may trigger her “I’m a Good Girl” defenses. It is always much better to imply sex (which is arousing). But don’t vocalize what you are doing.
- You also want to continue a neutral conversation while you are escalating her: to keep her conscious mind away from your ongoing escalation.
Most of the time, you won’t run into LMR. But if you do, your best course of action will be to gently persist. As described above, you take a step back, let her breath a little bit, then resume.
She pretends to be leaving? Get her back next to you on the couch. Serve another glass of wine. Reinitiate the conversation. Then resume escalation.
Different room, different mood: for hard cases, and when your attempts have failed so far, get her to follow you in your bedroom. The presence of the bed may help her change her mind…
The key to overcoming LMR is 1) not triggering it in the first place, and 2) sexy persistence otherwise. But as said above, you have to recognize and acknowledge a real NO. When all your attempts have failed, it’s time to be a gentleman, admit defeat, and drive her back home.
Parting thoughts on sexual escalation
Sexual escalation is what completes the seduction process. A feminine girl wants to be conquered, but cannot make it too easy for you. So you have to expect some degree of resistance when you escalate on her.
In my own experience, I didn’t face any serious resistance during escalation, probably two times out of three. But once in a while (say maybe 10%), I faced a resistance I couldn’t overcome – and that was the end of it. And in between, I faced some degree of resistance I was able to overcome with enough persistence.
I also had a few cases where I brought the girl home the first time, faced some in principle resistance that I couldn’t overcome, and drove her back to her home without success… Only to get her on another date, bring her back at home again and then succeed the second time.
It is, in any case, a safer bet to aim for a conclusion the very first time around. She is giving you one chance, take it while you can, or else she is gone. Don’t give up at the first signs of resistance, and always remember: persistence is sexy.
My next posts will be about case studies of sexual escalation, as experienced in real life by yours truly 🙂
