It is an unfortunate matter of fact that Seduction is getting bad press these days, as being something manipulative used to further morally dubious motives. While it is true that not every people’s intentions are gold – and this holds both for men AND women – Seduction can also be employed, together with the right ethics, for the purpose of developing meaningful relationships.
Compounding to the problem, most men are not open to hear about its basic premises, rejecting some most basic facts about female sexuality. As they tend to view women in bipolar terms (“sluts” vs. “good girls”), they just dismiss Seduction as something that only works with the most sexually liberal women. But this ignores a certain duality which exists – quite universally – within all women.
So a lot of misconceptions are running around. Yet, it has been the Author’s experience that a well performed, smooth Seduction is usually very well received by the woman. Far from all the negative cliches out there, you should actually view Seduction as a natural and efficient way of getting together with the woman you like.
In today’s post I want to present my own views on the topic, to try and restore some clarity. In some future posts, I will write about what are the benefits of learning Seduction, what does it take to learn it, and what is, in my view, the end game of Seduction.
So, what is Seduction, after all?
What Seduction is and what it is not
The window of opportunity
Here is a basic premise of Seduction: a woman who is available and likes you, is open to being intimate with you, at the very beginning (i.e. at the early stages of the interaction).
It is a built-in feature of feminine psychology that the window of opportunity she gives you, remains open for some time but then closes very quickly. As I write about in my article “what women want romantically“, masculine aggressiveness is one of the chief qualities women are after when it comes to mating. So you can view this “window” as a natural way for women to screen for more sexually aggressive gentlemen. The interesting thing about it is that women do not rationalize it this way – most of them, anyways. What she experiences internally is a much more unconscious process, in which she quickly loses romantic interest: she just stops to view him as a romantic prospect.
And this is where we guys get it wrong so often, when we approach dating as a prudent, date by date conquest. We go on a date with a girl, with the objective of securing the next date and “getting her to like me”, slowly over time. We want to accumulate proofs of her interest before getting the confidence to make a bold move, only to meet her closed window of opportunity when we finally decide to act.
What follows feels like the beginning of the end. When he finally makes his “bold” move (usually: going for the kiss – which is another mistake), he is met with unexpected resistance. She tells him that she “doesn’t view him this way”, and would rather “be just friends” with him. When he attempts to set another date, the reception is lukewarm, or even cold, and she may even completely disappear. When he realizes that the next date will not happen, he is left scratching his head because he thought all was going well.
The problem with this approach is that it was too slow, and our guy eventually faced her closed window. Does that ring a bell, dear Reader? It is my belief that this describes the majority of dates out there. I have been there myself, before I finally understood the concept of window of opportunity.
What Seduction is about
Seduction is about putting the interaction in sexual territory before her window closes. The interaction with said girl will be on a very different dynamic if you are able to do that. She will now be the one chasing you. She will be the one initiating texts, and asking to meet you. And you as a man will be the one calling the shots.
In the Author’s experience, the sweet spot for making sex happen is in fact on the first, or second date. On the third date, it is going to be already noticeably harder to achieve – as she will actually be toughening her feminine tests.
And beyond the third date, IF you ever get there, you are effectively surrendering the control of the interaction to her – because of the shift in power dynamics. The interaction has now a very tiny chance of ever ending anywhere. From my own experience, and from what I read on the internet forums, I would say it’s a 10% chance or less of a happy conclusion.
Once you start pushing for sex on the first or second date, your chance of success will skyrocket. In the Author’s experience, the success rate of any given date can be close to about 75%. Why is that?
- because with more experience, you are able to better screen women who are actually interested in you
- because you don’t lose your time in counterproductive things (such as impressing her, or “making her like you”, or “kiss close” her)
- and because you make your bold move before her window closes
The fact that she accepted the date means she most probably already is sexually attracted to you. Trying to impress her, or making her like you, will only make you appear as “try hard” as well as lacking self confidence. Instead, when you push for making sex happen, you picture yourself as being sexually confident – which is a huge turn on for her.
And what Seduction is not
Seduction is neither manipulation, nor lying. These are the unfortunate stereotypes which are giving Seduction so much bad press these days. It is not trading material benefits for sex, either.
Like I regularly say in this blog, there is no need to misrepresent your intentions to get a girl. When you are properly seducing a girl, you make it abundantly clear to her that:
- you are sexually interested in her
- she is free to go if she doesn’t like it
This is no bullshit! You cannot be more honest than that!
Of course, one of the subtleties involved is that you best communicate all that in a non-verbal manner. Women being much better readers of non-verbal signs than men, it will still be clear to them nonetheless.
What you do NOT do is, for instance:
- make her false promises, explicit or implied, in order to get into her pants
- tell her you love her when you don’t
- hide your sexual desire and misrepresent your intentions
- trade money, relationship, vacation, gifts… in exchange for sex
- etc…
In order to properly seduce a girl, one of the first things you need to do is to convey your sexual desire adequately and shamelessly. It is interesting to note how, in our modern society, many men are actually uncomfortable, and somewhat ashamed of displaying their sexual interest.
But how about the human element?
How about “emotional connection”?
Seduction is just an efficient way to get together with the girl. It doesn’t necessary mean an emotionless, passionless connection. If you want to connect deeply with her, just go ahead!
A friend of mine recently got defensive on me when I suggested he should have tried to overcome her resistance to sex. He had successfully brought her home on date one, tried to push for sex, but (as I understand) caved in when she started resisting. So he retreated to safe chat and “emotional connection”. Yet, although the girl seemed to have enjoyed her time, the next day she started being flakey over text… And it looks like there won’t be another date.
“There is more to connecting with someone than just fucking them”, he said. I couldn’t agree more to this, but here we have a misunderstanding.
What happened, according to me, is that the girl was initially open to his sexual advances. Trust me, they know what it is all about when you bring them alone to your home. But for her own self esteem as a good girl, she just couldn’t make it easy for him, and had to put a token resistance to sex. So he had to overcome this resistance. Given that he didn’t, it was now a “failed escalation”. No matter how hard he tried, sex didn’t happen, and it is just as bad as if he didn’t try at all: you can consider the window of opportunity is now closed. I think it is unlikely he will ever see her again.
There is emotional connection involved in the whole Seduction process. To start with, she won’t follow you home if she does not feel comfortable with you, so at this stage you must already have some emotional connection involved.
But you won’t be able to “connect emotionally” with her if you never get another date with her. And all the “emotional connection” you think you built with her on day one, will not guarantee you another date. Successfully seducing her, however, will give you a much higher chance of seeing her again. Only then will you have all the opportunity to really connect and bond with her!
How about love and relationships?
So you like this girl? Establish a sexual relationship first, before that infamous window closes. Then see her a second time. It is going to be much easier to see her again once you have gone to bed with her. Then start seeing her regularly! Get to know her! Connect with her!
Interestingly, many men (including myself, before I knew better!) actually confuse some sort of obsession for love.
He meets a girl, and starts thinking he has a shot – maybe she smiled to him once. He starts imagining things, and slowly becomes obsessed with the girl – especially since nothing actually happened at this stage. Now he projects his own ideals on her, and starts to view her as the perfect woman. He ceases to see the other girls, and become consumed by his obsession. She is That One Special Girl, and no other girl exists for him! Yet, nothing material has happened at this stage, and the truth is he doesn’t know what sort of person she really is: he is just idealizing her.
If you have ever experienced this, dear Reader, consider that this is not love. Let us call it the “Distortion of the Only Option”, or “One-itis”. It is some sort of obsession that has gone out of control, which made you idealize her when in reality you have no idea who she really is.
Make no mistake, you will never get her. You may not realize it, but her window of opportunity was already closed long ago. Before you come to your senses and move on, you may end up losing months or years pursuing an illusion. In your idealization, you probably view her as a pure girl. But the reality is she is a human being with sexual desires, and while you are fantasizing on her and pondering to make your move, she is busy meeting more sexually aggressive men and, well, having sex with them. You should forget about her immediately and move on to new prospects.
And next time, try Seduction.
You do not get obsessed, because you are already with her. And you may (or not) fall in love with her over time, as you get to know her, for the person she really is. This is a much more natural way of loving someone!
Hey, but all this are rigid cliches, people are more complex than that!
Yes of course!
There is room for “calibrating to the situation” and accommodate for the complexity of the person you are dealing with, when you become more advanced!
But when you are new to learning all this, all these “rigid cliches” such as “women are open to being intimate at the very beginning”, which are still true most of the time, will be your very helpful guide.
Consider the common problems men face in dating, something along these lines:
- That one special girl he has been circling around for months but with whom nothing ever happened
- That one special girl who told him she views him “just as a friend” when he finally decided to make a move
- That girl with whom he went on a date in which he thinks all went well, but then she becomes flakey and never grants him the second (or third) date
- That girl he has been “working on” for some time to no avail, then one day learns she’s been fucking his playboy friend the whole time
- etc…
These are all cases of a closed window of opportunity, which would have been avoided by applying the “rigid” premise above!
When you become more experienced, you will learn to calibrate and adapt your Seduction to the person you are seeing. But this is advanced stuff. In the meantime, you are much better off applying rigid rules.
Conclusion: Seduction is fair game!
Do you think that Seduction provides an unfair advantage to the man using it? But consider that women are naturally good at the game of love. They learn from an early age:
- how to present themselves to their best advantage
- how to attract and keep around a pool of potential candidates
- the wayto use their charms to get help from their “knights in shiny armor”
- and how to get what they want from their relationships
Plus, some of them are actually good Seducers as well!
So Seduction is only fair game in my view, making the chances even and restoring the balance towards men side. One of my most favorite authors, Franco, wrote:
“All men should be kept by law from getting married or involved in a long-term relationship before they become expert seducers and have laid at least 50 women!”
Franco (Manual of Seduction)
While it is an extreme way to put it, there is a lot of wisdom in this sentence! I certainly wish I had read this statement before I got married, some twenty years ago!
And that takes me to my next topic. In my next post, I will write about what are the benefits of learning Seduction.
Stay tuned!
Yours,
