The Sexual Pyramid

In my post “What women want romantically”, I have argued that, because of Evolutionary needs, the women of this planet are, almost universally, attracted by some masculine archetype figure that I have called the “Sexy Guy”: in a nutshell, a man communicating sexual confidence and aptitudes to survive in the hostile prehistoric environment (leadership, aggressiveness, dominance, impudence, …). There is a surprising consequence of this universal attraction pattern: the sexual marketplace takes the form of a sexual pyramid, in terms of increasing sexual options. And the segment of the population occupying the top of the pyramid… is not necessarily who you would expect!

… by order of increasing sexual options!

At the very bottom: the No Man’s Land

At the very bottom of the pyramid, you will find the (small) percentage of men who didn’t manage to make themselves attractive to women by any means: not only they are not Sexy Guys, but they are not even the Useful Guy that I described in my post. Simply put, they just have no Value whatsoever to offer to a woman! These men are simply invisible to women. They do not get laid, or very rarely. Sorry guys. If you are here, you need to work on yourself to at least become a suitable option as a Provider.

My educated guess is, about 3% of men are here. In this category, you will often find some seriously nut individuals, such as Nikolas Cruz or Elliot Rodger.

The next layer: Providers and other Useful Guys

Although they do not exhibit the sexually exciting characteristics of the Sexy Guy, they have other (non sexual) Value that they can offer to a woman. Although there are many ways in which a man can make himself of useful Value to a woman, the most common one is by being a Provider.

A Provider builds a very secure environment for the purpose of setting up a family. His Value consists in providing safety: he builds a home, brings a salary, and makes for a faithful partner. He does not have many sexual options naturally. If he meets a girl (by chance) he will pursue her for months, and sometimes even for years, in the hope of obtaining her sexual favors. Sadly for him, most of this chasing ends up nowhere and leaves him scratching his head “what did I do wrong?”. He lives in sexual scarcity and is prone to the “cognitive distortion of the only option” effect, a.k.a “oneitis”: the feeling that this is the One Special Woman, and the obsession resulting from not being able to get her.

But ultimately his efforts will be rewarded. After all, he does have some Value to offer to a girl. When he eventually “gets lucky”, he will settle in the comfort of safe access to sex, while she ropes him in a relationship and gets him to provide for her. For her, another benefit of such a man stems from his lack of sexual experience and confidence: which will make him easy to control. In between two consecutive girlfriends, he is sexually frustrated, staying single typically from 6 months to 2 years, until he “gets lucky” again. During his entire lifetime, he will have something within 1 to 15 sexual partners, with a median number around 5 or 6.

My educated guess is, about 87% of men are here – that is, about 90% of all men in the lower two layers, give or take.

The middle layer: unattractive and moderately attractive women

These girls get chased all the time by the men below them in the pyramid. They live in sexual abundance, and always have a number of on-going propositions on the table. They could potentially have sex all the time if they wanted. The problem of women is not to get sexual options, but rather to get meaningful options. And yes, even the unattractive girls have more sexual options than 90% of the men below them in the pyramid!

But ultimately, girls respond to the same sexual stimuli, and always look up. And so, they do like every other girls do. They try to get the sexually really attractive man: the Sexy Guy. And many of them will actually manage to get a night or two with such a man!

How many women in this segment? Well, you have to factor in that women’s peak of attractiveness is in their 15 to 35 years old range, so you will also find here all 35+ years old women. As a percentage of the total female population, this is probably close to 90% of all women, conservatively, if not more.

The upper middle layer: the very attractive women

These are the most beautiful girls, most likely in their peak sexual attractiveness years (below 35). They, too, get chased by the men of the lower layers. They, too, live in abundance of sexual options. And they, too, are motivated by getting a hold on a Sexy Guy.

But there are a few differences with the less attractive girls below them in the pyramid.

They are chased, but not as much as you would think. Many lower layer guys do not even venture there, because they rule themselves out as being out of their leagues. And of the less attractive guys that would manage to date them, many of them would actually “lose their nerves” in the face of their beauty, thus killing off their chances.
They get a serious shot at the Sexy Guys. And they actually stand a chance at securing a relationship with a man like that! Chances are that they in fact have been with more than one of them. Thus, they live in an environment of much higher sexual standards. For them, an exciting sexual encounter such as the ones I described here and here, is not uncommon: know what you are measured against!

In this category, we will find the remainder of the women, so about 10% of the female population.

The top layer: the Sexy Guys

And that’s the surprising fact about the sexual pyramid. The top layer is NOT occupied by the very attractive women. It is occupied by this part of the male population that exhibit the characteristics most sexually appealing to the woman’s psyche. I have already given an argument, from an evolutionary perspective, about what kind of man this might be.

In essence, he is a breeder, and a survivor. Mankind has been living most of its existence in an environment extremely harsh, all the time on the verge of extinction. This has over time dictated the characteristics most desirable for the survival of the human species. Women have, by and large, acted as the genes selector, whenever possible favoring sexual mating with the men that would maximize the chance of survival of our species.

Let me repeat here the overall profile of this “Sexy Guy”:

Sexual confidence. He knows how to impose his will over the females into having sexual intercourse (in a smooth manner, of course! No need for violence here. In fact, in general, he knows to impose his will on others, without the need to resort to violence).
Strength attributes: leadership; aggressiveness; dominance; impudence, i.e. “devil may care”, “don’t give a f*ck” attitude. He is probably more of an “impudent asshole” than of a “nice guy”.
He is also most likely to have social status, because of the very same strength attributes.

The Sexy Guy archetype is ingrained into the sub-conscious mind of the woman, and has a somewhat universal character: no matter her race, culture, religion, sociological background, she will respond sexually to a man exhibiting these traits.

This is to say that all women on the pyramid are competing for the sexual favors of the Sexy Men, which place these men on the top of the pyramid. They are chased by all the women!

As such, they have it very easy! A guy in this category could easily have at least 50 different sexual partners in his lifetime, but in reality, the sky is the limit. 5% of all men have reported having over 100 sexual partners in their life. On the extreme side, Lemmy, the head figure of rock band Motorhead, self reported having slept with 1200 women over the course of his life. And Gene Simmons of Kiss is said to have taken 5000 women: that’s about 10 new women per month, each month for 40 years! Not surprisingly, these two characters are projecting impudence, status, and sexual confidence.

In this category, a man can typically have several new partners per month, sometimes one (or more) each day! And it is a self reinforcing characteristics. The more he takes new women, the more his sexual confidence and impudence grow, and the more attractive he becomes! Thus making it easier to take more new women.

So these men are in extreme sexual demand, and they live in complete abundance. They are at the top of the sexual pyramid! As per my educated estimate, about 10% of all men are in here.

The Pyramid: full picture

Let me try out my best artistic skills and provide a visual picture of the Pyramid I just described:

The Sexual Pyramid

Discussion

The sexual dynamics

This is where it gets interesting. Pretty much all women are trying to get a shot at a Sexy Guy: hook him in bed, and then later secure a relationship with him – and get him to provide for her. The sexual need, first and foremost, but then later, the need for safety.

But here is the problem: the Sexy Guys are in high demand! And they are genuinely busy coping with the demand. In addition, they are very well aware of the women’s game (to get them to settle), and they know very well how to navigate it. And so… they are very hard to pin down. Why would they settle, when they can have more sex with more beautiful women?

Some of the top girls manage to get a hold on such a guy… for some time! But ultimately he turns out very hard to control, and thus cannot meet her need for safety. So, said girl eventually leaves in frustration.

Now, what happens when a girl have been trying hard, for years, to get a hold on, and pin down, a sexy guy, and finally quits out of frustration? It’s easy: they now look downwards in the pyramid, to one of the Useful Guys who has been chasing around for some time, and then settle in the relative comfort of a safe relationship with a man they can easily control. It is the second best available choice! And make no mistake – she’s the one who chose him, not the other way around!

Yes! Ultimately, that’s why the men in the lower layers of the pyramid eventually get their share of women: as a fallback option!

The sexual marketplace

It is my theory, as a direct consequence of this sexual pyramid, that the majority of women of age 25 and above, have known at least one man corresponding to the description of the Sexy Guy. The men in the top layer of the pyramid are getting the lion share of the women of this planet! But it’s a dynamic situation, as they keep moving on to new partners. And most women, at some point in their lives, get to encounter one or more of these sexually exciting men. They are hard to keep, though, and eventually they need to settle for a less exciting, but safer partner.

Men on the lower layers (which is the vast majority of all men) have no idea of the dynamics at play, and just one day “get lucky” to see that woman they have been chasing for some time, falling on their lap. They have no idea that, in fact, this woman have just been chasing hard after another man she eventually couldn’t secure for herself… and instead choose to settle with them out of need for safety – as a fallback choice.

Society

Society, of course, does not want to see a situation where 10% of the guys are getting all the sex, whereas the remaining 90% gets strictly nothing. That wouldn’t be very orderly! As a response, Society does two things:

It encourages men to be faithful, good Providers. If you are of the Sexy Guy kind, you need to “man up”, “become responsible”, stop playing, and take a wife instead.
It discourages women from being promiscuous, by shaming their sexuality. You need to stop casual sex, only “sluts” do that, and become a Good Girl instead!

That is what society exemplifies: faithful Providers, and Good Girls!

But this is for the purpose of an orderly societal life. It utterly ignores men and women profound reproduction instincts! And these instincts are prompting a very different reality!

Another surprising truth

So on one hand you hear women complain that men are unfaithful… And on the other hand, these same women are rushing towards the type of men who are taking two new women each month 🙂

It is not the least of the women’s many paradoxes. Yes, they are immensely frustrated that such men are impossible to control. But on the other hand, the sexual confidence these Sexy Guys are exuding, is simply irresistible!

You should simply stop taking what women say at face value, and instead focus on what they actually do!

Conclusion

I am aware, dear Reader, that this is a difficult truth to accept when facing it for the very first time. But you do not have to take what I write for granted. Instead, I ask you to try the following experiment:

Go around your female friends, relatives, acquaintances, colleagues, and possibly past and current girlfriends. Ask them about their past relationships, and look for an especially frustrating experience in which she was trying hard to make it work to no avail, until she finally gave up. Then ask a little bit about what kind of man he was, and read between the lines.

See for yourself, and report your findings in the comments below!

Yours,

References: Researching the pyramid

I have based my “educated guesses” in the two following studies on sexual behavior. Both were compiled in the United States, and seemed serious enough and reliable. The results are remarkably consistent, and I think they give a relatively good idea of sexual statistics, in the Western world at least.

National Health Statistics Report #36 on Sexual Behavior

American Sex Survey, ABCNews

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The Sexual Pyramid