When she knows she has you in her pocket

Bad things start to happen when she knows she has you for certain. In a nutshell: if she had any attraction for you, her attraction starts decreasing! That’s always true, whether you are on a first date with her, or have been in a relationship with her for 8 years. The complete opposite situation, when she believes she doesn’t stand a reasonable shot at you, is not good either. Because then, she will protect her ego convincing herself that you were not such a great guy, after all.

It therefore follows that key to a successful romantic relation with a woman is to achieve a delicate balance, where she is not completely sure of having you.

In this first part of two posts, I am going to list a number of things you may be doing which are typically giving yourself away. And in the next post, I will go through what to do instead!

But let us start by explaining why it is such a bad thing when she knows in total confidence that she has you in her pocket.

What happens when she knows she has you

Understand this, dear Reader: a girl lives in a world of abundance that we men can only begin to imagine. Even a very average looking girl – heck, even a fat girl! – evolves in a world of horny guys drooling on her at all times. She always has at least a handful of guys in close orbit around her. She knows she could have any of these guys at her feet if she snapped her fingers.

But she won’t “have” these guys. It is all too easy. It’s cheap. There is no merit, no feeling of conquest, and no challenge. Therefore no interest! In fact, it would even make her own value depreciate.

Since her early teens, she has learned to deal with weird guys drooling on her each time she shows a square inch of skin. Even on a very bad day, when she feels ugly (and that happens to even the most beautiful girls!), she still has weirdos turning their heads on her. Gosh, don’t these guys even have a sense of good taste?

At some point, all these guys become a part of the background. There are always there! They’re all the same to her: indistinguishable, interchangeable, insipid. And eventually they even become invisible. To her, they do not exist!

Here is what happens when she knows she has you for certain: she now puts you in the same category as all these guys. You’re now too easy to get. You no longer offer any challenge, or any mystery. That will kill any attraction she may have initially had for you!

She could maybe feel a little bit of disappointment: “I can have him at my feet anytime. So he’s just another one of them after all! Oh well.“, then quickly move on. Or, she could decide to use this situation to her advantage! Such as, for instance, let you take her on a few expensive dinner dates :-), or, in a more extreme case, get you to buy her some expensive gift. Or, she may just be honest and tell you that she “doesn’t view you in this way” and propose to “stay good friends”.

In any case, when she is completely sure to have you in her pocket, your chances as a romantic candidate are dropping very quickly, and soon you probably won’t see her again.

Now, part of the problem lies in the so many ways you are giving yourself away without knowing it.

Your body language

It is the first and biggest way you betray yourself. You may think that no one can read your thoughts, but the reality is your body language gives out many cues about you without you even knowing. If you do not pay attention, you are like an open book!

We men are less acutely aware of body language than women are!

Let us review the most common culprits.

The sneaky peek

You know the feeling. She is dressed to kill, maybe displaying her boobs like little Christmas presents, or exhibiting a fine pair of legs over heels. And you can’t help but having a quick, sneaky peek at the goods once in a while. Make no mistake, she will notice it, no matter how hard you try to hide it.

You are in awe over her body, she knows it, and she knows she could make you dance if she tried!

This drooling behavior is working against you. What is particularly bad about it, is the fact that you are trying to hide it. It tells her “he doesn’t own his masculine desire! He is ashamed of it!”. And since you can’t help having these sneaky peeks, it will also tell her that you are not in control. Last, it tells her that you are not used to the company of feminine beauty. It is not sexy!

A man ashamed of his desire, not sexy, and not in control of himself! Just the opposite of the Real Man that she is dreaming of. You are instantly losing her respect and her attraction!

And of course, the same goes for any facial expression you may have betraying your awe in the face of her beauty.

The high energy, excited behavior

This is when everything in your body language and behavior communicates your excitement. For instance, you just:

• can’t help to laugh
• can’t stay still on your chair
• and can’t help to gesticulate.

Overall you behave “high energy” around her.

Behaving in this way will tell her that this date is a big deal for you. Moreover, it shows you have poor control over yourself. Finally, the “high energy” component will also come across as a “try hard” eagerness to “win points” with her.

Overall, she now knows she has you!

The nervous behavior

If you are nervous on a date, you are doing yourself a huge disfavor. What you are communicating through a nervous behavior is, this date is a huge deal to you. Then she knows she has you.

But it goes beyond that. She knows she holds the key to your happiness, and she now feels a huge pressure on herself! And it’s the sort of pressure that she doesn’t want to feel! Again, it tells her that you are not the one in charge, she is.

Finally, nervousness is a contagious feeling. Chances are that she will become nervous too. And then she will interpret her own nervousness as “no chemistry”.

That is the sort of date that you absolutely want to avoid. You probably won’t see her again after that. She wants the man who is totally in control, and will make her feel good. She doesn’t want to be responsible for him (or his happiness), rather the opposite: a man in charge that is responsible for her and her emotions!

Other body language signs giving you away

Typically, when you are too early and much “over her”, such as:

• Your torso fully oriented towards her
• You leaning towards her
• You looking at her in an obvious manner

Although not as bad as the other evils mentioned above, these small things are giving her small cues, which eventually add up together.

Your attitude

It is the next big thing that is going to give yourself away. What your attitude does is, she will immediately identify you as in “courtship mode”. While it isn’t a bad thing per se, when it is done in the wrong way you risk again to be identified as “one of these guys”, which is the situation you want to avoid.

Heck, I’ve been guilty of all these myself, before I learned better. See what I wrote about this failed date in 2011.

The chasing attitude

This one is the number one big courtship killer that so many of us are guilty of. It is a sure attraction killer. This is typically done when you’re constantly initiating unprompted communication with her, and conveys a feeling of insecurity and supplication. Although you may not be explicitly supplicating, this is how all your uninvited, constant stream of messages will come across. You are chasing her ass!

And when your messages are left unanswered, you compound to the problem by becoming insecure (“afraid of losing her”) and increasing your messaging frenzy. You are now losing your shit!

Make no mistake, it is an immediate turn off. If this is you, stop doing that immediately because you are only sabotaging whatever little chances you have with her (if any).

The “White Knight” attitude

She is the Princess and you are her White Knight attending to her needs. This is everything you do that elevates her status above yours:

• The “gallant” manners: Holding the door for her. Bringing her some flowers. Buying her presents. Having her walk in front of you. Sitting her first in the car. Etc…
• The way you communicate to her, lavishing her with praises and compliments.
• And last, the “protective” attitude where you jump in to protect her against perceived “external threats”.
• Overall, the underlying frame is that she is the prize that must be won.

She will recognize this behavior instantly. It is the “standard” courtship behavior, as recommended by our grand-mothers, Hollywood, and all the dating gurus of this world.

He thinks he is displaying that gentleman-esque attitude, but what he is really doing is to lower his status relative to hers. She will know immediately where he stands: below her! But remember one thing: women always look up, not down!

The confusing part is she will certainly look like feeling good about this, and the guy will have the impression of winning her. He will certainly be left with confused feelings if (when) the date later ends up in disarray.

And yes, a man can, very occasionally, get lucky with this strategy. After all, this is how conventional dating happens! And most men ultimately become married. So this strategy is working, once in a while. That is how I used to get my girlfriends, before I got married!

It can work, if her present circumstances dictate that she needs a man that she can easily control and get to provide goods and safety to her. Or it can work if she’s still young and inexperienced, and still with all these romantic ideas.

In general though, this is NOT earning you points towards winning her sexual favors. It does NOT portray you as a sexually exciting man. Yes, you may get lucky once in a while, but for one successful case, how many other cases where you are left scratching your head, wondering why she asks you to “just be friends”, after what you think was a great first date!

It makes sense, though: in her mind, a Real Man does not lower himself below other people.

The “try hard” attitude

This usually comes in two versions – both equally bad:

• The guy trying to impress her. He will be doing most of the talking, bringing the conversation on himself, on his latest job, on his paycheck, on his car, on his achievements, etc…
• The guy trying to make her laugh. He is going out of his way to make her laugh at all times.

Both of these come across as a try hard attempt to win points with her, and she will be immediately aware of what all this is about: getting into her pants.

But both of them are the wrong approach. Again, they’re both setting a frame that she is the prize to win. It is therefore another way of raising her status above his own. Moreover:

• The guy trying hard to impress her will be overly focused on himself, instead of paying attention to her. But the worse part is that she most probably already likes him! His attempt to make her like him, when she already does, will come across as lack of self confidence: “Why is he trying so hard to impress me?”. And because he is focusing on him, rather than her, she will feel a lack of emotional connection!
• The guy trying hard to make her laugh is likely to come across as an Entertainer. She will like him! She will want to see him! But as an Entertainer, NOT as a Lover! She will now expect him to make her laugh. If he ever manages to attempt a sexual escalation, he will face a serious resistance, because this is NOT what she expects from him!

Not only these two approaches will give your intention away, but also both are actually counterproductive!

The Kiss

It may come as counter-intuitive, but going for a kiss on a date has a big potential to fire back. Why? Because, again, it gives you away. She now knows she has you in her pocket!

But there is another reason. By kissing her, you may actually make her horny!

And if you make a girl horny, you need to consume immediately or else… she may quickly grow cold on you!

That may conflict with your beliefs, dear Reader – along, probably, with many other things I write on this blog. But at the same time, many things about girls do not seem too logical, right?

Go ahead and try the kiss – at your own risk. Or, follow my advice and only go for the kiss when you are about to make love to her!

How about in a relationship?

In a long term relationship, the same logic applies, although we need to review what we mean by “she has you in her pocket”.

Obviously you both are in an existing relationship, so the sex part is already taken for granted. But as we know, once she has attached the man to herself, the woman will try next to get him provide for her safety.

And to that effect, a woman usually finds her way to get what she wants from him. If you have never been in a long term relationship, dear Reader, you can trust me on this one, you will discover what I mean in your own time 😃

When she has her man “all figured out”, and when she knows how to get him to do anything she wants, that’s when “she has him”. His status is now, finally, lower than hers!

This process, in which she gains a mental ascendant on him, until the point where she now completely subjugates him, has been coined “beta-ization” in various places in the Manosphere.

At that point, you can consider that her sexual attraction for him has already taken a big drop.

Conclusion

In the initial courtship phase, it is very easy for the man to give himself away without even knowing, through various cues from his body language or overall attitude. She now knows she has him!

Against common intuition, this will actually be counterproductive and work towards reducing her attraction for him.

Your chances of success will be much higher if you are able to keep a degree of mystery around your interest for her – and keep her on her toes!

This, dear Reader, is called sexual tension, and I will show you how to do that in my next post!

Yours,