Touching a woman always came easy to me. Very long ago, I went out with the girl who would become my first girlfriend, and after a few dates with her, I felt that I should step up and take some action… But the words just wouldn’t come easy. So what I did instead (since I couldn’t voice my emotions), I just took her hand… And the rest followed smoothly. But it’s only 4 years ago, in 2014, that I slowly started to understand the real power of touch, and how you can harness it to your advantage.
A date in 2014
Angel was a very sexy Philippines beauty – even at her age of 40. We had met online, and agreed to meet on a date. In 2014, I was just starting to get dates again after my divorce, and (re-)learning how to actually get girls!
The smooth date…
When I first saw her in real life, she was overall a very pretty lady, but also stunningly sexy: long hair, miniskirt and high heels for a thin sexy body! Her body was screaming sex and my eyes couldn’t believe it. We shook hands and proceeded to the restaurant where I was taking her. We sat face to face and ordered food, while starting chatting and getting to know each other. And in fact I was doing a good job at making her feel comfortable, by prompting her to tell me her story, and our hands touched briefly here and there…
So I naturally wanted to establish more physical contact. But we were just too far apart, separated by the table. Now waiting for the dessert, I decided it was time to show each others pictures, moved to sit by her side, then took out my phone and browsed my pics. And while doing that, I took the chance to “incidentally” touch her bare arm, then briefly put my arm over her hips, then more touching – all this while at the same time showing pictures and commenting on them. And my touch was very well received
After we finished the dinner, I took her to another venue – a bar at the top of a tower, with an awesome city view. After we left the car, I took her hand in mine, sometimes leading her with my hand on the small of her back. When we reached the bar, she was now speaking all the time, with no need for me to make her talk. And I was very deliberately caressing the skin of her bare arm, sometimes running my hand along her long hair, and even touching her bare thigh at times. Not only it was well accepted, but she also became even more talkative and giggling.
… and the final disaster
It was soon time to go back, though, and when we reached my car hand in hand, I tried to kiss her… and her denial came almost like a slap: “kissing in public is not allowed!”. Inside the car, I tried again with no luck. So I drove her home… my hand staying on her thigh all the time. “Are you passionate?” she asked, to which I answered “maybe”. We reached her home, I got unlucky with the kiss again, so I felt compelled to let her know I enjoyed that time. “Really?” she said, then left the car.
What happened next: a few days later we met again. But the mood was nowhere what it was last time. I was seemingly getting headwinds now. It just went nowhere. I drove her back home, tried to kiss her again with no luck, then she left, and when I asked for another date she replied “let’s see”. I never saw her again!
What happened
Needless to say, that date left me confused, scratching my head. I had fucked up, but where? But today I have all the experience needed to analyze what went wrong in hindsight. So here you go.
It is very simple. All my touching, on my first date, was extremely effective in actually making her super horny. Touching is extremely powerful, and should be used with appropriate calibration. This was confirmed by all the spontaneous extra talk and all the giggling she displayed (which are external signs of arousal). As well as by her question in the car: “are you passionate?” Plus probably many other soft signs that I didn’t notice back in the days, with less experience than I have today.
But you don’t extinguish horniness with just a kiss.
Trying to kiss her in the parking lot was a clumsy move – it just ignored her social anxiety (“what are people going to think?“) and proved I did not understand women. It also proved that I didn’t realize the state she was in, and wasn’t able to handle her!
To make things worse, when it all turned south, I started displaying neediness, which is a turn-off:
- by insisting to kiss many times – in spite of her becoming less and less receptive;
- and with my need to reassure her that I enjoyed the time: no need to say what she already knows.
In spite of that she was good enough to give me a second chance… Although her guard was now up and she had stepped up the level of her tests.
The clear conclusion here is that you can make a woman extremely horny by touching her the way I did. But if she is going to become horny, you have to be ready to take her to bed before she cools down – which, in these days, was just not in my mindset (yet).
If you make her horny but do not physically satisfy her right away, just be ready for the cold awakening next day.
So if you are unable to take her to bed right away – for any logistical reason – then you absolutely need to calibrate, and tone down your touch.
In essence, touching is an extremely powerful technique to arouse a woman, so handle it with care!
Harnessing the power of touch
While I did not fully understand what went wrong with Angel on this date, I did realize, though, that all that touching had somehow worked well for me. I was up to something! So I went on to integrate more touch into my dating, and experiment with it. But before I go on, I need to make a few points:
- Realize that seducing her means you will HAVE to get physical at some point. For that, she needs first to become physically comfortable with you. And the earliest that happens, the better. Touching her is a very efficient way of building that physical comfort!
- All this touching must happen covertly, in the background, while occupying her logical mind with a conversation. This is especially true at the beginning, when she is not yet aroused. If you’re not covert, you may come across as creepy.
- Touching works best if you are yourself comfortable with physical contact. If the idea of touching other people doesn’t come easy to you, she may perceive your own discomfort at touching, and react negatively if you over do it. So you may need to go through a phase of getting yourself more comfortable at touching!
So now let me describe my “touch routine“.
Phase 1. Breaking the barrier of physical contact
The longer you wait for this, the harder it becomes! You should really aim to break the “touch barrier” within the first minutes of the interaction, especially if you are new to this.
You initially break the touch barrier using “incidental” touch. Incidental touch is when you touch her, seemingly unaware, supposedly “by chance”, very briefly, and as part of something else.
One way to proceed is to very gently tap the back of her hand (or forearm) on a high point of your conversation, as if to highlight the point you are making, and without interrupting the flow of your conversation. It’s touching that “just happened”.
Another way could be to lead her with a quick hand on her lower back as you move around together.
In any case, the physical contact has now been established. Which was the purpose of this step.
Now pay attention. She may be the first one to touch! It happens. And when she does it, notice how she uses incidental touching, too. When it’s done well, you may not even notice! But most of the time, she won’t break the barrier first, even if she would love to. It has to be you first. In this case, she may only start touching you back, after you initiated touch!
If you notice this, you are good! Remember: “I touch you, I like you!”
But even if she doesn’t, you should nevertheless proceed with escalating the touch.
Phase 2. Deliberate touch
The physical contact has been established. So now you can step up. Your next touch will be deliberate – although still “socially acceptable”. You can, for example, pull out a camera and have your arm around her shoulder for a quick selfie. You can also briefly take her by the waist and pull her closer to you if the circumstance calls it for.
Finally, you should also take her hand while moving between venues, and lead her in a “follow me” fashion. I do it systematically. It is not coming from a “lovey dovey” perspective. It is coming from a position of gentle authority. You are extending her hand and (silently) requesting her hand in yours. Then you are leading her. It establishes the frame where you are the boss and she is the follower. You are gently getting compliance over her!
And now pay attention again. How comfortable did that feel? Did it feel that her hand would stay in yours? Did it feel like she wanted to pull away? This is a very important cue for calibration. If there are any signs of discomfort at this stage, it means you’re not yet there, and you will need more deliberate touching here and there before moving on to the next stage. I tend to do that very early in my date, and just from how her hand feels into mine, and how well she follows me, I can tell how much she is into me, how much comfort I need to build, and how easy it will be later on when I attempt bringing her home.
Phase 3. More daring touch
Hopefully deliberate touch went well and she seemed receptive. It may also be the case that you didn’t have conclusive clues of whether she was comfortable or not, but you still want to proceed anyway. So it’s time to step up. This time, you are going to be more daring.
You can for example, fix her hair while she is speaking, then proceed to gently run your hand along her hair in a caressing manner a couple of times, or maybe on her cheek. You can also move your hand along her forearm and appreciate the softness of her skin.
If the above went well, you can now venture a hand on her thigh – like I did with Angel. A smooth way to do is to take her hand in yours then gently put your tied hands on her thigh… Then turn your palm down, with her hand on top of yours 🙂
If there is already a good mood between you two, another possibility is to gently tap her behind, for instance when she walks out of the elevator in front of you. We’re talking about a couple of gentle taps, nothing too sexual at this stage, and wrapped up with a sexy comment. Yes! It actually can be done smoothly! And it helps establishing a sexy mood.
And if you feel like teasing her, you can briefly touch her belly fat in a teasing manner. That will “bust her balls” a little. I often do that if the topic of diet and eating cakes came up. It is an efficient way to tease her while getting physical.
Again, you have to pay attention to how this is received. Sometimes, a lack of negative response IS actually a positive one. Also, pay attention to any soft signs of sexual arousal – such as lots of excited giggling, or if she starts being extra talkative, or if she touches you back a lot, or if she tries to bring your attention to any of her body parts. These are all good signs that it is time to become bold!
Advanced: Ramping up tension with touch withdrawal
This is not a necessary step of the routine, but more like an additional tool in your box when you are more experienced.
If you had a neutral response so far, or if you are in a playful mood, you can work on increasing tension by simply withdrawing from touch. Just withdraw. You can physically lean back on your chair and turn your body slightly away from her, and just stop touching. If you notice her leaning forward and touching you briefly, you are good, then resume touching.
Also, you can deliberately delay the moment of breaking of physical barrier. This is another form of touch withdrawal. You use it in conjunction of a neutral body language which will keep her guessing “does he like me?”. Then, maybe 30 minutes into the date, finally break the touch barrier and watch for her soft signs of relief! It can actually make her very horny!
Phase 4. The Bold Move: going home
This is exactly what I should have done with Angel by the end of the first date… but I lost her by just NOT doing that!
If you are not in a position to move to a intimate place, it is better to stop at the “deliberate touching” phase, and focus on getting the second date, where, this time, you will have the possibility to isolate her.
But otherwise, especially if you got a good response to your “daring” touch, it is time to move home.
Have an excuse ready. Remember that she has to rationalize herself as a “good girl”, so she cannot follow you home if you openly mention sex. But if you tell her that you’re going to listen “a nice music playlist” at your home (or similar), she will smile and say “OK!” – and of course she knows that sex is a real possibility. Once at home, make her comfortable, serve a little drink, put on that music playlist, sit next to her… and sexually escalate!
But that will deserve a separate post 🙂
Conclusion: What all this touching does for you
Touching her in the way I described here does a lot of very good things for you, dear Reader:
- You are displaying sexual confidence. You are telling the unconscious sexual women inside her: “I have the confidence required to take you sexually. I can handle you!”. Sexual confidence is an extremely attractive trait, and displaying it puts you in the top 15% men of this planet (at the minimum).
- You are building her physical comfort with you. This is absolutely essential if your goal is to have sex with her!
- You are arousing her. Watch for the soft signs! But this is a double edged sword. Once she’s aroused there is only one way to conclude successfully, so you better be ready to go all the way!
- It gives you useful cues about where you stand and how to adjust. With experience you can pick up these cues and use them as a guide to navigate your date towards a safe and happy conclusion.
In other words, if you haven’t integrated physicality into your dating, you are missing out on a very powerful technique, and you should probably start… just NOW!
Yours,
